THE DONALD, LIONS AND TIGERS AND ME, OH MY!

First, consider this man’s signature, at the bottom of this “about” self-representation. It speaks volumes, to the ego, to the supposed perfectionism, to the hair that I strongly suspect still, after all these years, does not have the proper building permits: It is just too damn high and off center, it must be in violation of some New York City code or other. But forget the hair. What's just as spectacular is this man’s signature. It looks like the Manhattan skyline. I think the second “d” in “Donald” is the Chrysler Building.

The Donald’s travel site, GoTrump.com, which, travel know-it-all that I am, I did not know existed until this evening, is sponsoring a sweeps to Africa. Yes, Africa. Why my diligent Googling did not take me to this spectacular giveaway last evening, when I was on a serious Africa jag, I do not know. What I do know is that I have found an open sweeps to Africa, on a new-to-me site, GoTrump.com, and I have entered said sweeps to Africa, the Donald’s sweeps to Africa, not the “I had a farm in Africa” Africa, which would be Isak Dinesen’s Africa, Kenya, Africa, but to Botswana, via South Africa, the Botswana, Africa Africa.

The package includes airfare and a total of eight nights (not shabby, not shabby at all), one in a Johannesburg hotel, the rest in three different Botswanan lodges, including three nights at The Chobe Safari Lodge.

I. Want. To. Be. There. Right. Now.

Something tells me the Donald is the sort of person who likes to do things his way. True to form, he’s published a vague and truncated Official Rules for this sweeps, ones that in no way mirror the contractual elaborations of the oh-so-many Official Rules I’ve studied in the past month and change. I'm not sure when the sweeps closes, but it's clear that the drawing is on June 1. The value of the prize: $10,000.

The Donald attempts to case-sensitize this URL and make us think that this site is called GoTrump.com. Well, he can’t fool all of the people all of the time. This URL swings both ways, just like whorepresents.com, which tries to pass itself off as Who Represents, as in who represents the talent, the celebs, the notables, but which also can be read as Whore Presents, which of course is suggestive of temptative things like selling your artistic soul, to the devil, to the pimp, or, quite possibly, to highest bidder. In that vein, Go Trump’s gotrump.com also reads like Got Rump, at least to this armchair traveler, who has got rump, major rump, from sitting at this computer so damn long entering sweeps and plying my trade. All I can say is, Go Go Trump, and Go Got Rump.

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